The year is, uhm, somewhat present time. I think. If not, then it’s probably somewhere in the future, past by when it ended for me. Problem is, though, I’m still here, wandering all the roads we could have taken, all the old buildings with crumbling walls we could have avoided. That was my dream for us. But it wasn’t yours, right?

It’s only been a month since I first moved here, without a specific purpose, minding my own business. I didn’t exactly have a plan in mind for what I wanted to do in this new town, but it all ended when I set my sights on them. I only needed a glance to overcome my coming down from the euphoria of location change. They were the cure of… 

• ”Ok, stop it right there”, interjected all of the sudden my oldest, single friend from the new town.

• ”What? Why, why did you. Uhm, what can, no..uhm…why did you stop from regailing my story?”

• ”Listen, I’m telling you this as someone with lots of patience but small amounts of energy. I already know everything about your story. I heard it, read it and played lots of time beforehand”.

Shocked, I tell, perplexed indeed I was. What does he mean, “heard it, read it…played it”? Is my suffering just a trope for him, a theme in an already experienced narrative? How dare he?! I need to know more, but how? I would have to coerce him through a round-about way of-

• “Ok, so here’s the deal”, he suddenly needled my thought bubble.“ The person you got infatuated with works at a local…something, right? Bar, coffee shop, library”

No!..Is what I wanted to say, but I couldn’t muster the courage to hide away my cowardice, so I opted for the middle ground. A blank stare and no verbal response is the most direct way to throw him for a loop.

• ”Right. So they were friendly, probably, perky even, and seemed like they enjoyed their job. In your mind, they were the happiest person you’ve ever seen. And the body…”

• “Stop right there”, I finally managed to muster in a quick verbal parry. Even though my friend managed to guess many parts, I couldn’t allow him to denigrate my infat… my feelings for that person in such a manner. Tsz, the body, listen to him, spout such nonsense.

• “Yes?”

• “What?”, I replied in a shaken tone.

• “You told me to stop, then went silent. Dazed, for like seconds. Are you ok? Should I go on, or?”

• “Oh, right, excuse me for that”. I cough a bit to regain my normal tonality.” STOP RIGHT THERE, mentioning the body. What kind of person do you think I am?”

• “One that likes people. Mind and body, right?”

• “Um, yeah, but…”

• “But what? You were attracted to them, so what? It’s not that big of a deal to find someone hot. Or multiple people.”

• “Well, I don’t like hearing you speak about my beloved that way, so please stop it.”

My friend then looked at me with concern, but I couldn’t see him do it, as my eyes were protected by palms. But I could feel it. His gaze was piercing my stomach, whirling my guts, while my face started to look like I just came out of a sauna. But I couldn’t let him see it.

• “Ok, you pudic lobster. So as I was saying, after you glued your eyeholes on them all night, you started fantasizing about your life together. I’m guessing they were into the same activities as you, spending all their time doing stuff you like, maybe even frolicking in the fields at the end of your days.”

Well, isn’t that what couples should do? Partake into mutual forms of enjoyment, spending quality time together, festering in each other’s company?

• “Real stuff now. So I wanted to ask something about your fantasy routine. Were they ever sad about something? Angry at you for a mistake neither of you were at fault for? If yes, how did you handle it?”

I was in shock. As he mentioned, I never got to that part. I even forgot that it could happen. How could I miss such an obvious part of our life?

• “Ok, after your funeral, you and your beloved go to spiritual retreat realm and meet G-”

• “That’s too far at this point.”

• “Hmmm, yeah, I  guess you’re right. I might have mixed up some parts. Anyways, my point is that many people go through your trip in their life. It’s weird, confusing and somewhat troublesome to be honest. But as long as you can keep your mind clear of stupid thoughts, it’s not so bad.”

I wanted to ask what he meant by that, but then I remembered how I started to tell my tale through the eyes of an apocalypse surviving lover. Maybe I should stop looking up their social media to see what their doing.

• “Oh, and no surprises or stuff like that. Spontaneity is good, when you know the boundaries. Like, don’t bring flowers or other types of gifts at their place of work. Or place it in a weird box for them. It’s the same game plan as people who make bomb threats.”

Now I have to delete an entire cart of products I was planning on buying. Ugh, I hate every word coming out of his mouth right now, but they are sharp. And I am made out of soft tissues. 

• “And that concludes my presentation. So how did I do?”

• “Acc…accept…ugh, acceptable”, I answer, defeated.

• “Nice. So did you talk to them?”

• “No.”

• “Hmmm. Sorry to hear that pal.”